Morally Acceptable

Many have joined the What Feels Good Religion. Whatever they feel at the moment is their compass for life.

Sadly, moral and ethical issues continue on the decline and social media affirms it. Life can become very blurry and unfocused without a moral compass.ID-10021419

One night stands are the norm. Deciding to live together without a marriage commitment is an everyday occurrence; besides it is an economical move. Right? What is wrong with having sexual relationships before marriage?  What will it hurt? Everyone is doing it.

Many say the Bible is an antiquated book that was good for people way back when, but really, get with the tour. It’s the new world! If you take the time to read it, you will find that people struggled just like us. Life is still about war, injustice, joyful moments, passion, victory and recipes for healthy living.

I need God’s Guide Book. If I went by the feel good religion, my life would be a mess.  Besides, my life was a mess because of other’s decisions for their feel good choices, so I know that it doesn’t work well.

A couple of weeks ago, I talked about Respect.  Its cousin is the Moral Compass. Dating can be pretty exciting. Someone is paying attention to you and wants to spend time with you.  What a nice treat after a heart-wrenching break up in your marriage.  Every woman wants a man to share their dreams and goals with. If you are able to set some healthy dating boundaries ahead a time and know where you stand with this compass, it will save you some heartache.

I was looking forward to dating again and enjoying male company. I made a pack with myself and God to help me keep my standards high. It was surprising how the moral compass had changed in  the 12 years I was single…even in our churches. Some men had no more interest in me than a pet snake and only wanted time in the sack. I can’t even imagine basing a solid foundation on just sex.

It’s not only about having sex. There are other moral issues that need our compass. Some are dating a married man believing his words saying he plans to leave his wife or file for divorce SOON. Maybe you are still married and things have not been finalized. Integrity is the best route to follow when either/or are still married.

As a single mom we can feel starved for love.  Some think having sex with a guy is true love making them feel better. Intimacy in any relationship is about communication, believing in each other, and respecting each other’s body.

In my research on this topic, I found a website called, www.waitingtillmarriage.org. This is not a Christian website. I do not agree with all they post, but they desire to wait for a sexual relationship until the I Do.

Multiple premarital sex partners enhance women’s risk of divorce, regardless of their cohabitation experiences. http://waitingtillmarriage.org/study-definite-link-between-premarital-sex-cohabitation-and-divorce.

Certainly no one wants a repeat performance of a broken relationship and marriage. I believe with all my heart that God is not a killjoy in this. He knows what He is talking about; He is the Creator of love. Using God’s moral compass as a guide will help in your dating life.

ID-100241935You are special and need to be cherished. If you have been given another chance at love, then having healthy boundaries will protect you. If a guy truly respects you, he will wait and vice versa. Sex doesn’t solve life.

I asked a young adult about pre-marital sex their reasoning was they thought they would marry anyway so it was fine to have sex. That particular relationship didn’t last.

When I started to date Bill, he told me he didn’t believe in sex before marriage.  I was thrilled to finally hear that. We were both able to relax and get to know each other.

Take some time to pray and work through what you want in a relationship. Believe and respect yourself. I want that for you!

Sex is a basic human need.  Every person has the desire to enjoy a physical relationship with someone they care about.  And in the context of marriage, those moments of intimacy can bring pure joy and pleasure to your life. But when it is used in the wrong way, sex can cause guilt, anxiety, depression, disease and love self-esteem. http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/preparing-for-marriage/why-wait-for-sex/making-decisions-about-sex

God isn’t trying to rain on our parade.  Look what He thinks about you.

How priceless if your unfailing love, O God! People take refuge I the shadow of your wings. Psalm 36:7

To me, you are very dear, and I love you. That’s why I gave up nations and people to rescue you. Isaiah 43:4

He wants you to enjoy dating and have the most intimate and fulfilling marriage. He wants you and your potential mate be able to communicate, believe in each other and work through tough life issues together. What a foundation for a new start!

Know this! You can always start new.

If a guy won’t continue to date you because you won’t have sex with him….hum….I would say, Here’s your hat, what’s your hurry!!!

With your moral compass, take a look at how precious you are. God is excited to guide your moral compass. He wants to protect you and your heart. He believes in second chances and will help as you wait at the door for Mr. Date to arrive. He keeps saying to you, You are very dear, and I love you.

ID-100169204OPEN YOUR TOOL BOX: I see a compass!

  1. What are you telling yourself?
  2. If you are a Christ-follower, are you different from the world’s standards?
  3. Take your moral compass on your dates
  4. Research for yourself the information
  5. Remember above all else, God believes you are very dear.

NEXT WEEK: A Great Deal on Values (I promise I won’t be so wordy next week!)

YOU CAN DO THIS!

 

 

Living in 3-D: Dreams, Desires, and Dating

Dreams give us hope for our future. We need to dream. One of my favourite verses is,

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV), For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.

ID-100211335I didn’t find a million dollars in the mailbox, or get promoted to president of a company or live in a mansion by the ocean. God gave me a job so I could provide for my family. When downsizing in a company left me without a job, He supplied another and I rented a lovely little house by the lake.

God wants us to dream for our future. He knows you are more than the status quo. He gifted you with be the best mom, best employee, and best YOU!  Why not take some time to write out some dreams you have for your life and date it. Bathe it in prayer asking God what your next steps are. I am so glad I did that.  Not all have been fulfilled but I knew not to give up.

He also knows if one of your dreams is to start to date again then let Him dream with you.  Ask Him to direct in this big step.

God gives us the desires of our heart.  Psalm 37:4 (NIV), Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

God knows your desire to date. He knows if you are lonely and want a mate. I don’t just say this flippantly because I was desperately lonely and wanted someone to love me.  Running ahead would have been disastrous for me and I was glad He pulled the plug on some of those dates.

While you are in the waiting room, let God take your other life desires and help you begin to pursue those. I had never given any thought to ever being a writer but God slowly opened the door of opportunity. What desire do you have perking in your life? Ask God if He has prompted your heart.

God will guide in your dating.  My girls used to say to me that I had become such a strong woman as a single mom and they admired that.They said to never lose who I was. How wise!  First, I had no choice in this single motherhood!  Ha Secondly, I was forever grateful I had the chance to dream, fulfill some desires of my heart, and then know who I was before I started to date. Sadly, many women lose who they are just  to please a guy.

A man doesn’t define you, he doesn’t give you security, and he isn’t the answer to all your problems. He is a compliment who will encourage you in your dreams and desires as you date and into a future commitment.

ID-10076194 (1)This may be a great time to sit down with a steaming cup of hot coffee or tea, and let your mind begin to dream and process what your desires are. You may be very surprised! If dating is an option, you will be glad to know who you are which will help to determine if you are compatible.

As my girls used to say to me, don’t lose who you have become, you have come so far. Find out and get excited! Write a list of both crazy and attainable dreams. Add the desires of your heart to that list and then make a list of what you want in a man and keep the bar high.

Allow God to say to you, For I know the plans I have for you,… plans to give you a hope and a future.

ID-100169204OPEN YOUR TOOL BOX: I see 3-D glasses!

  • Do you believe you have dreams and desires?
  • Have you taken the time to list your dreams and desires?
  • Write out some positive qualities in a man before you start to date
  • Does your dreams and desires mesh with the man you are dating?
  • Remember God’s desire is to give you a hope and a future.

Next Week topic: Am I being punished?

YOU CAN DO THIS!