When a Momma Moves On: Part 1

It’s Time!  After life have settled somewhat, there comes a decision.  Drum roll please! ….

WHAT STEPS CAN I TAKE TO MOVE ON?

I have seen single parents react in two ways.

  1. BITTERNESS, BLAMING, and BUNGED UP (I don’t mean needing fiber!)
  2. (new) CHOICES, (new) CHALLENGES, and (new) CELEBRATIONS                                              Their choice will not only affect themselves but their children.

I don’t have all the answers but I’ve walked the walk.

Those that live with bitterness in their heart are trapped as they place blame on others and everything that touches their life.  End result: This type of poison leaves them Bunged Up! On the other hand, I have seen those living out #2 option and reflect as Scriptures says,

And provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor. Isaiah 61:3 (NIV)

Fact #1: MOST TIMES LIFE IS UNFAIR leading to painful situations.  Truth is, I hate that!  Some can handle it way better than me and their faith and trust is such an example. I have to work at it step by step.

When my heart was crushed due to a broken marriage, I wanted it fixed but it didn’t happen. Just getting myself out of bed, getting the kids to school, making meals which made me feel nauseous, and continually wiping my stream of tears had me weary.  I didn’t bounce out of bed one morning, put on a cheer leading outfit and decide to turn everything around.

It was a process. With positive choices, I began to fight for new challenges, and celebrate when I had victory.  Some were small, while others were huge. The truth is, we all struggle with negative thoughts and feelings.  Other days, we feel like we can take on the world singlehandedly.  It’s human, it’s normal.

FACT #2: IDENTIFY YOUR FEELINGS

I find it good to ask questions. How am I feeling these days; is it positive or negative?  What situation has brought this on?  That is the start….

I can’t even begin to know what you have gone through. For some, you are working through infidelity, some  have had emotional or physical abuse, others are left alone penniless, countless court fees, new health problems, loss of old friends, and helping your children through their pain. On and on…. Nothing can sugar coat it.

We need to own and identify our thoughts, realize what they are, and then work through them. We can live a much bunged up lifestyle when we live with guilt because of our thoughts and feelings.  We can also let our stinkin’ thinkin’ be a part of our every day.  Don’t stay there or it will have you emotionally paralyzed. I called a friend, talked to my Heavenly Father, saw a counselor, and CHOOSE to make positive steps for myself and my children.

For some, just writing your feelings down or talking to a wonderful friend, will not be enough. It may mean some professional help and perspective. Don’t be ashamed or afraid of it.  Dialing that number could be the greatest decision for true healing. It changed my life for the better.

Don’t know where to start?  Try this link.  www.findchristiancounselor.com

Sadly, I have listened to single parents (both men and women) years later who are so trapped in past pain that every decision and every attitude breathes bitterness.  Their stance and facial expressions have become hard. They used to laugh but now everything is a chore and I hear comments like, “Why did this happen to me? Life isn’t worth living? He/she ruined my life!”  I am saddened that they live a bunged up life because everyone has good news!

FACT #3: THERE IS HOPE!

We all have new choices, new challenges, and new celebrations.

To make that happen, it means we all have to take some time to identify the thoughts and feelings we are facing–head on.  If you are bitter, or blaming everyone for your life situation, step back and see if you can see some positive steps that will leave you less bunged up. You will feel a ton better!

We all need Hope with a capital H. Would you be willing to write down some of your feelings? If you pray, begin to pray over this list. Find a friend, pastor, or counselor to start working on your list. God wants you to have victories in your life!  Remember Isaiah 61: 3… crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.

This blog has been long enough, so next time we will continue with Fact #3. Then let’s see what new choices, challenges, and celebrations can come from it! Questions like; to date or not to date, moving or staying where you are, setting some boundaries, and how to react to challenges…and then a time to party!

OPEN YOUR TOOLBOX

  • Accept that life is sometimes just plain unfair
  • Identify your feelings
  • Live with HOPE

You can do this! Until next time. When a Momma Moves On:  Part 2

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