The Ostrich and the Eagle

I believe most of us like to plan our lives, have our calendar planned for the month, and a sense of order to our lives.  We know that doesn’t always work out.

Some days being an ostrich seems like a great idea. Sticking my head into the sand and pretending there were no problems or pressures seems like a fantastic idea!

Single parenting can be overwhelming and exhausting.  Sometimes the issues come all at once and it feels like a landslide.

  • The school calls about your child being ill and they request you come pick he/she up.
  • Because your child is sick, you have to take time off work and your boss isn’t very flexible.
  • As you pick up your child, a strange noise starts coming from under the hood of your car… just great!
  • You load your laundry into the wash machine only to find it won’t spin anymore.
  • Caller ID says your ex is calling you

Sound familiar?  Yep, being an ostrich is just the ticket.  Well, not really but we all experience these times. It’s real and it’s normal!  If there was a word I could say or dance I could do to fix things instantly I would. 

However, I want to encourage you:

  • You are normal
  • You will get through this
  •  You can lean on:

1.  God …He can be trusted

2. A support group or trusted friend

It is time to say good-bye to the Ostrich and learn to be an Eagle. Did you know that am Eagle can carry 4 times its weight?  As a single parent, you carry a super heavy load called Life.   As you use your wings, you will get stronger and more confident and be able to handle more of the unknown.  I had to flap my wings a lot but got stronger with each situation! I know you will to!

But those who trust the Lord will find new strength. They will be strong like eagles soaring upward on wings; they will walk and run without getting tired. Isaiah 40:31 (CEV)

You can do this!

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The Butterfly and Me

I was sitting on our deck a couple of days ago and saw this butterfly just hanging outside its cocoon but still attached.  The next day I checked in on it and it was gone.

It brought back memories when I first became a single mom.  Days were so tough and my emotions were like a plate of spaghetti!

The example of the life stages of butterflies helped me process my life.  It is told if you try and help a butterfly out of their cocoon it will die.  It needs to struggle and fight and work itself out to become a strong and healthy butterfly.  When it has struggled and freed itself, their wings are then fully developed so it can take off and fly to what the world has to offer them.

It was the same for me, and it can be for you.  The Reality to become strong and capable for what the world hands us means we need to struggle and wrestle to become that person.

Positives can come from hardships if we so choose to understand that.  Who I was back then and who I am today is the difference between a cocoon and a butterfly.

I hated the struggle. It was tiring, exhausting and just plain hard.  As I started to heal and process life in a healthy non co-dependent lifestyle, my wings slowly start to flap and I was able to fly!   I had to land and re-group, work through issues again while facing new ones, but I knew I could fly.

I began to collect butterfly trinkets, sang R. Kelly’s song, “I believe I can fly” and kept flapping my wings.  It was time to leave the confines of the cocoon and leave the old life behind. Flying to new adventures was the healthier way.

How about you?  Where are you in the stage of the life of a butterfly?  The stronger you become, you will be able to fly higher and longer with more confidence.  Be assured you will need to land and re-group realizing you can’t be on a high all the time.  Just take one flight at a time. Don’t be hard on yourself, just keep flapping!

I have great respect for butterflies.  They struggle and work hard and  we get to  enjoy them as they fly by knowing they have fought to where they have become today.

I hope to see you flying around! 😊

Check this out:  https://ansp.org/exhibits/online-exhibits/butterflies/lifecycle/

Talk soon!

Alone and an Advoctor

Are you standing alone?  Do you feel you are fighting the battles of life all by yourself? I hear you.  Single parenting can be a very weary journey.  It’s not only the fact to provide all the physical, spiritual and emotional support for your kids, it is also standing in the gap to advocate issues for all of you.

Is someone harassing you at work?  Some people can just be plain miserable.  Does trying to work with your Ex feel like an uphill battle?  You say white, the Ex says black. Are you helping your child work through some bullying issues?

Whether you want to or not, you need to put on your advocator hat. Because,

  1. You need to fight for your kids
  2. You need to fight for yourself
  3. You need to let God fight for all of you

1.You need to fight for your kids

As parents that is the one thing we are called to do. To protect, to raise, and be the best example for them. Many times, I had to stand firm and make sure that my girls had some choice and say for their own health and well-being.  Kids at school can be so cruel and bullying is a very real part of children’s lives.  Adults can demand as well and feel they deserve what they want and kids have to follow no matter what.   I had to advocate for my kids and make sure they were ok.  Some didn’t understand but that’s ok.  I did what I felt I needed to do.

Despite me trying to be on top of things and knowing what was going on in my kids lives, about 20 years  later I almost drop to my knees in shock when I find out things that happened. Other kids can be so cruel.  So, may I encourage you to keep asking and checking in on how things are going.  Guaranteed there will be things you won’t know until years later, but keep asking. Just do your best….and let them know you are a safe person to share things with. We just have to do our utmost best and pray protection.

Children are a blessing and a gift from the Lord. Psalm 127:3 (CEV)

2.  You need to fight for yourself

What I mean about fighting for yourself is that there are people out there, and possibly an ex, that will try and make your life miserable. Having a healthy game plan and understanding your worth will give you strength to do this. Having boundaries, and a couple of wise friends to stand with you is a great battle plan.

If someone is in your face or telling you to do something you feel uncomfortable with, or you can’t afford something or don’t have time to do, I found a great solution was to say that I would think about it and will make a decision later.  It helped me stand back and not feel pressure to make the decision.  They may not like it but it is your life and your decision for you and your family.

Remember you are a person of worth in God’s eyes and being treated with respect and dignity is so important. 

To me, you are very dear, and I love you. That’s why I gave up nations and people to rescue you. Isaiah 43:4 (CEV)

3.You need to let God fight for all of you

Who better than the God of the Universe to stand with you and advocate on your behalf?  Pretty awesome. 

When I felt desperately alone and I faced issues regarding the kids and myself it was a lonely place.  That was the time, I prayed and claimed this verse over and over again.

You won’t even have to fight. Just take your positions and watch the Lord rescue you from your enemy. Don’t be afraid. Just do as you’re told. And as you march out tomorrow, the Lord will be there with you. 2 Chronicles 20:17 (CEV)

You don’t need an advocator’s degree.  You just need to know that you can make wise and healthy decisions for you and your kids. That is a good choice to move forward.  Remember that God will advocate for you and He will help you with decision making.  Just ask.  Stand firm…You are worth it.

YOU CAN DO THIS…

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ALONE and Awesome

A person is awesome

The food is awesome

Your outfit is awesome

The movie is awesome

Your BFF is awesome

Your hard work is awesome

I’ll add another one to this list, without a doubt, YOU ARE AWESOME and I will tell you why.

A – You are Appointed by God.  Right now, right in your circumstance, right in a world pandemic, and right in your current state, you are where you should be.  It may not feel great all the time, the pain may be deep, the struggles are certainly real, and the unknown may feel daunting.

An encouraging thought despite overwhelming issues is that you are chosen and appointed to be here. God has entrusted you to be on planet earth for a reason.

Over the years I have struggled with my purpose.  It’s hard to understand purpose when day to day routine is just that.  I see women climbing the corporate ladder, and the ladder I am climbing is to clean dust off the ceiling fan!!!

The best remedy to refocus is to stop comparing ourselves with others and focus on the giftedness we have. Remember your purpose is unique to you. God trusts you and has appointed you to just be faithful each day.

Life gives new opportunities as well, so don’t lose hope.  It could be just around the corner.  It has for me and sometimes quite unexpected.

You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit…John 15:16

W – You are Worthy

One of the best advice I got as a single mom was that I was a person of Worth and need to be treated that way.  I had to learn to believe that in my heart, to set boundaries to protect who I was, and understand how I was to be treated. It is not being selfish it is being smart.

For example, many people kept telling me to start dating as a single mom.  It wasn’t time and I had to stand my ground.  I was busy raising my two girls and wanted that as a priority.   I was Worthy as a single person and it was right for those 12 years alone.

Take the time to find out how Worthy you were made by God and engage in some important decisions based on that.  Be treated with respect and worth and you in turn can do the same for others. 

Just because you are alone, doesn’t mean you are less of a person or you haven’t reached your potential.  You are awesome just for who you are and so Worthy. These can be exciting days.

The Lord your God wins victory after victory and is always with you. He celebrates and sings
because of you, and he will refresh your life with his love. Zephaniah 3: 17

E – God is Eager to help you

God adores you. He thinks you are awesome and so Eager to assist you while on earth.  He placed you here and won’t dessert you.   If you are a child of God, he has Eternity taken care of for you too!  Now that is AWESOME.

Believe in God’s Eagerness to help and don’t give up on your life situation and God.  My aunt used to say to me, ‘You never know what is just around the corner’. 

The Lord our God will lead the way. He will fight on our side, just as he did when we saw him do all those things to the Egyptians. Deuteronomy 1:30

Let’s recap:

You are Appointed, You are Worthy, and God is Eager to help you= AWEsome

You might be alone but remember…You are AWEsome and then SOME.

Until next time…. Alone and The Advocator

Alone and Able

I find it inspirational to read about women who have fought against the odds and because of that belief, they have made the world a better place. Some include Harriett Truman, Jane Austin, Rosa Parks and Anne Frank. The present-day scientist, Dr. Kizzmekia Corbett has worked with a colleague to help in the development of the COVID-19 vaccine.  The list is endless. 

It is also the quiet, strong women who encourage others to be all they can be, a mother who raises their children to live with integrity, and women who stands with those who have no voice. You may never find their names on Google but God knows and they are heroes in my book!

As single parents, it may seem you have lost a fight and your only voice is trying to calm the mayhem in your household. Your confidence and self-esteem are at an all-time low, you are alone and feel you don’t know how to move on.

I get that. I know the feeling. You may be asking how you can make a difference, how you can move ahead from one week to the next, and if you will survive and make a positive difference in your children’s lives.

The amazing truth is even though alone, you are able.  You have got this despite the struggle being real.

 There were many new things I had to do and sometimes I failed the first time and the next, but I learned from it and I did it!  Each new step or adventure was sometimes scary but I was jumping up and down on the inside knowing I did it and I could face something else.

Maybe you are thinking you can’t do these:

  1. Making decisions on your own
  2. Really laughing again
  3. Realizing your worth
  4. Trying something new
  5. Raising your kids alone
  6. Stop believing in the lies you were told
  7. Making a positive and enjoyable life for yourself

Dear ones, you can do all of the above and more.  We don’t have to be world leaders, or have a degree in front of our name, or be CEO of a company.  You need to realize you are right where you are to be the best at what has been handed you. Because You Are Able!

Truth is, I hated what had been handed to me.  But as I began to believe in myself and that God was going to help me fight this battle called single motherhood, things began to fall into place.  Easy? Some things not so much.  I also had to realize I didn’t have to learn it all at once.

God is our mighty fortress, always ready to help in times of trouble. Psalm 46:1

Slowly the lies began to dissipate and when I them heard in my head, I had to tell it to get lost.

I truly believe, you are able to raise your kids and provide them love where you hang your hat. You are able to restore the hurt and shame of a marriage/relationship broken.  You are able to believe in yourself as a person of worth who God has uniquely created you to be.  You are also able to be the best parent you were called to be.

Fact: Believe you are able to move ahead and then take the first step. God has provided many resources. You can’t do everything all alone so find friends who are true blue, possible government aid or resources, great books and articles in your growth, counselling opportunities for you and your kids, and the courage to ask for help.

Bottom line…YOU ARE ABLE!

I encourage you to take some time to evaluate your life and what you would like to see happen. (ie…lose the lies, make some new goals and dreams for yourself, and also for your family.)

God is your Help and your Encourager.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us… Ephesians 3:20

You are able…you can do this!

Check out Linda’s Library here on my blog for some resources. 

Have you read this book? https://btsmediablog.files.wordpress.com/2016/12/rick-warren-the-purpose-driven-life-what-on-earth-am-i-here-for.pdf  This is a free resource and very inspiring.

Next time:  Alone and Awesome!