Two wrongs don’t make a right. Ever heard that saying? We might even had said that to our kids. What about adults? It is so important to choose wisely in our life decisions, one being re-marriage.
Your first marriage is done. We all have our story and the issues leading up to our breakdown. The Cinderella story and The Knight in Shining Armour fairy tales are just that….tales! The marriage breakdown has hurt deeply, leaving scars. In the quietness of your heart, do you wonder if you will ever have a chance to find Mr. Right?
First and foremost, learn to love Ms. Right. Realize you can be a strong person without a man. Realize you can wear the shining armour on your own. Realize God has given you the inner strength to move ahead. Realize God has all the resources for you to be all you can be. With that, a more realistic view of Mr. Right will be clearer.
You can say, Yah right Linda. It’s easy for you to say now that you are re-married. I am re-married and so thankful for my Bill. Yet, for 12 years I was on my own raising the girls and I had a lot of ‘realizing’ to do. My blog is just that—to help you to understand your worth in God and your ability to succeed in who you are!
Let me share some Mr. Wrong’s for me that entered my life for a time and also from the lives of many women who share their story with me.
Some women choose for need of:
- Money- I know from personal experience that money is something most single mom’s don’t have a lot of. Every nickel counts. Many are so tired of trying to make ends meet, they want a helpmate to release them from this stress. When the issue of money make you want marriage; it can lead down a negative path. Why? It usually means most of the other characteristics of the mate gets shoved to the side and missed until much later. Money will never solve problems and won’t make a great re-marriage. Some who have money can be workaholics or are greedy with their money leaving you with less than you had as a single mom. Money is their god. Some spend every moment trying to get it. Ask yourself, where does that leave you and your kids? We need money, no doubt; but not an answer for love.
What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Mark 8:36 (NIV)
Note: if you are dating a guy who has money, that doesn’t mean it is wrong. Be honest and evaluate what money means not only to you, but for him.
- Status – They want to have a MRS in front of their name.They want to prove they are the marrying kind. This title it will be security, or so they think. Others say it will be “fun” to be married again, and if this one doesn’t work, they can move to another Mr. Right. Some want to be on the arm of a man that holds a title. I remember someone saying that they were dating someone ‘famous’. Famous isn’t holding their shaky relationship together because they looked past the other characteristics.
A relationship with God will give you the status you need. It will bring peace and security in your life.
And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all you need, you will abound in every good work. 2 Corinthians 9:8 (NIV)
Note: if the guy you are dating is a CEO or high profile man, it doesn’t mean he is wrong for you, just be careful how he perceives himself or how you will deal with his status. His title is just that, a title. See if a title or the letters MRS is really important to you. Check if he loves his title more than you or if you need those three letters—M.R.S.
- Loneliness—Loneliness is a given for single moms. It can cripple women, make them bitter, and make them choose unwisely. I lived being lonely. Most weekends I spent alone or doing kid things. I watched families together having fun, couples walking hand in hand through the parks and malls. I was sad my marriage went bust. I made mistakes in my marriage but was loneliness a punishment? Listen my dear ones, whatever the circumstances, loneliness will be an ingredient.
While single, a married women told me that just because you are married doesn’t mean you won’t be lonely. Loneliness is a part of everyone’s life. One women told me she should never have gotten married again. Yikes! Loneliness doesn’t mean you need to get re-married or even start to date. I can assure you that God will help you in your loneliess.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
Note: Loneliness can help you process if it is time to date. Being wise and patient will help you in your decision making.
- Desperate for Love
Johnny Lee wrote the song, Looking for Love in Too many Places. Two lines in the song say,
Cause I was lookin’ for love in all the wrong places
Lookin’ for love in too many places
The caution is being so focused on finding Mr. Right, we miss the wonderful children who we tuck into bed each night. We lose the times for making memories with our kids when we are out having ‘fun’ with a man who feel could be the answer to our life situation. As Johnny Lees says, we are ‘lookin’ for love in too many places.
I encourage single moms to relax in who they are right now. Healing is the key to process if there will be a Mr. Right and who is RIGHT for you. When it happens, there will be a balance in family and dating.
So Ms. Right…start by writing out your boundaries of what you want in your Mr. Right. I know that might sound silly, but I made my realistic list and stuck to it. I used to joke about finding my Mr. Right (because humour is a like a vitamin for emotional health!) and one particular Halloween, I found him! Lol
Here is some of things that were on my list.
- Loved God
- No porn
- Respected my girls
- Believed in me
As you start to enter the dating scene with your list tucked in your heart, it will help you define what is best for you. It will also open your eyes to see the Reality of this guy. These men might be someone’s Mr. Right but are Mr. Wrong for you.
Going into a relationship in hopes to change him is an unwise foundation to start. Live in Reality for you and your kids. I am sure you don’t want a replay of history. There will be enough challenges in a good marriage with two humans and blended families.
Marriage is a gift. Finding Mr. Right is a not a race or a desperation choice. Let God lead you and give you His Peace about the Single Life.
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
So, Ms. Right, believe in YOURSELF, focus on your kids, heal and see if YOUR Mr. Right is just around the corner. If not, you will be blessed in many other ways. I’ll share that in December.
- What characteristics are important for you and your kids for a Mr. Right?
- Why do you feel you need a Mr. Right? This will help in your journey
- How do you think your kids will react to you dating?
- Let God ‘fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him’
Next week: Morally Acceptable?
YOU CAN DO THIS!!