Single Motherhood + Fun=????? Answer: Drum roll please! YES, without a doubt!
While friends and colleagues are using their weekends to go on trips and nights on the town, we are finally getting the time to do laundry, helping with school projects, and doing catch-up.
Are you having difficulty finding the word Fun in your vocabulary? Is there a thirst for some social interaction and some good old-fashioned fun? You can! The definition of FUN may have to be ‘tweaked’ for now.
I am an extrovert. I love interacting with people, laughing, and having a good time. My world became incredibly smaller in the social department when I wore my single mom hat. Time was filled with looking after my girls, working full-time and some evenings with an additional part-time job, and taking night school courses.
I wanted to date! I wanted to go out on my free weekends when the girls were with their dad. I wanted to talk on the phone with a male companion. I wanted, I wanted, I wanted….but I waited. Reality for me was waiting on dating! For a time, I needed to focus on life with the girls and managing my time. That didn’t mean that I couldn’t have fun. Single moms need to decide what is best for their family.
Our attitude on fun can either make us or break us. We can be either bitter about what life has handed us or the flipside is to use this time for creative fun. I wanted creativity in fun for the girls and myself. We didn’t have much money to scrape together but we still had fun.
It wasn’t Friday date night for me, but it was making homemade pizza with the kids and watching a movie. It wasn’t weekends away at a spa with girlfriends, but the girls and I made our own little spa and painted our toenails. It wasn’t an exotic trip to an island with a husband, but it was packing our bags and going off to see Grandma and Grandpa. One of our friends would invite us over for a mystery meal and the girls loved it.
One year, we were very blessed when someone paid for us to have a week’s holiday at Darion Lake Theme Park Resort with a group of three other families. I could never have afforded it. I was the single family unit. It didn’t matter, I had coffee with the parents in the mornings, screamed on rides with the kids, and built deeper friendships.
When the girls were away on weekends, I began to enjoy Linda fun. I would go solo to parties, watched movies that weren’t cartoon, and read a good book without interruptions. Some weekends I would take off and visit family and friends. Fun energized me to keep going in this journey of Single Motherhood.
Having a social life doesn’t mean you have to be dating. A man doesn’t define you and give you fun. Fun is what you make it whether you are dating or not. Remember, God isn’t a kill joy.
But to put their hope in God who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. 1 Timothy 6:17(CEV)
Note: Having fun all the time isn’t to make you forget about the pain and push it out of your memory. Let it be your partner as you heal.
Sadly, I have heard of single moms who believe that it is their turn to have fun. They hang out at bars only to have their older kids come and rescue them. Some date even though it negatively affects their kids but they make an excuse saying they deserve it. Others are so consumed by a male relationship they can’t see their kids confused and sad faces. Their definition of fun will have a cause and effect, and it isn’t a positive one.
I can honestly say that God will help fill the void and provide some fun times. He will guide and be your Social Convenor if you ask. My hope is that first and foremost, fun will bring inner healing for you as a single person. There is freedom in fun if we let it. In turn, fun will enhance your family unit as you build memories for you and your kids at whatever age they are. I believe, life will be clearer when this happens about dating and a future mate.
- Thanksgiving (my American friends) and Christmas is approaching. Find some free activities to do with the children at whatever age
- Ask yourself if Fun is waiting in dating and move forward
- Realize you can have fun as a single mom. It isn’t a punishment!
- Find another single mom and plan something to do together
- Have some Fun!
Next Week’s Topic: Struggling with Contentment
YOU CAN DO THIS!