Tongue Tied

It wasn’t true! It cut into my very soul when lies or stories where told about me.

Many hurt and frustrated single moms share the same feelings.  Their kids were also hearing negative talk from the ex and people in the community. An unnecessary and damaging battle can begin between each parent to justify issues.  Whether true or not, the children are left to figure it out and feel they need to take sides.

My own philosophy has been that TRUTH WILL COME OUT.  Whatever the ex or anyone else is doing or saying, we have a choice with our reaction.  When it happened to me, my first knee-jerk reaction was to want to go tell anyone and everyone in shouting distance that it wasn’t true. We can’t undo words like the handy ‘undo’ button on the computer.  It took practice and determination on my part to say to myself, ‘truth will come out, truth will come out’…… Sometimes it took a number of years but I knew it would.

People will see your character and what you stand for.  I am not saying that you can’t defend yourself but don’t get yourself caught in the destructive pattern by usID-10077967ing your tongue as a weapon. I really didn’t want to get into this type of game.

Keeping our tongue under control is emotionally healthy not only for us but the children. Feuding between the two households can only bring confusion and additional stress.

The last thing I wanted was people talking about me but unfortunately that is how the human race works.  I felt bad enough as it was without people gossiping or talking about me.  Despite not wanting the kids in the middle of things, it does happen.  To this day, my girls will make a comment that takes my breath away because they felt they were stuck in the middle.

Do we let them believe the lies?  No! I believe there are creative ways to deal with it.

  1. Tell the truth.  I didn’t go into great detail but let them know these issues are between mom and dad. Explain that sometimes people say things when they are hurt and it isn’t for them to solve.  If it was an outright lie, I answered it wasn’t true and I was sorry they heard that. I used to tell the girls when someone said anything negative about me, they could next time ask the person to talk to me instead.

2. Watch your conversation.  A number of parents have come to me, reaming out their ex’s while their kids are standing beside them. I observed the kids’ expressions of pain on their faces. I tried very hard on what I said in front of my kids.  Unfortunately, there are people who want tidbits of gossip so I had to be creatively prepared on how I answered. When alone, I was able to call some confidential, trustworthy friends to help me process hurtful words.

Truth will come out.  I have seen it first-hand and I have seen it happen in the lives of others.

ID-100180663  King David struggled too.  Psalm 19:14 (CEV) “Let my words and my thoughts be pleasing to you, Lord, because you are my mighty rock and my protector.”

Give those hurts lies and words to God.  His direct line is 24/7.  Many tears have been shed on my pillow and in the quietness of my bedroom.  God is the Mighty Rock and Protector.  He is offering that for you and….TRUTH WILL COME OUT.  Let God be your Defender.

ID-100169204OPEN YOUR TOOL BOX.  Look at all those positive and helpful words to choose from.

  • Memories Psalm 19:14 to guard yourself against hurtful words.
  • You will be the winner when you guard your tongue and use it wisely.
  • Ask God for help as you talk to your kids about lies and help them realize it is not theirs to own.
  • Make sure your kids don’t hear conversations that will hurt and confuse them.
  • Remember that “Truth will come out”.
  • Let God reveal the truth as only He can.







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