My heart ached. Would anyone EVER love me again? I wondered if I would have the capacity to love someone else again as I held my broken-down, ripped-up heart. I was scared of being alone.
Life was busy raising my girls but what would happen when they left the nest? I had to stop myself when I tried to figure it out because panic would erupt. I didn’t know what life would bring me next week, so why was I worrying about the future. Today, I would love myself and my girls.
I do understand the fear of being alone. My biggest concerned as I encourage single moms is the fact that many search for love again before their emotional wounds are healed. Some figure if they can just get back ‘in the saddle again’ life will be good. When I was abandoned by love, it left deep emotional scars. When I would receive attention from the opposite sex, it felt great! It affirmed to me that “I still got it baby!”
I had to figure out who this new ‘Linda’ was first. It took time to re-build my life with my own opinions and my own life passions. In addition, my girls were priority and they needed me without attachments. This life change was not their choice either. Would I love another man? I wasn’t sure. What I did know was that I loved my girls, we were a team, and that was enough for now.
Jim Smoke in his book, Growing Through Divorce, writes about dating. “Some return to dating before their divorce is even finalized with the intent of proving to their former spouse that they can catch a ‘replacement’ and flaunt their success. Rejection is seldom solved with a replacement. You need to be whole, healed, and happy with yourself before you ever consider dating!”
We all want to be cherished, loved and respected. That is absolutely normal! The caution comes when we love for the wrong reasons and choose second best.
First and foremost, God loves you with a 100% guarantee. Reach out to Him. Let Him love you as you never imagined. Trust Him to help you fill up that love-void right now. Focus on a love relationship with God and yourself.
I am reminded of the verse in Jeremiah 31:3 that says, “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.”
Secondly, the first man that shows you attention does not mean he is the next husband material. A number of years after my divorce, I asked the girls if they would be alright if I started to date again. I knew it would be a change for all of us. I had made a list of characteristics and qualities that were important to me if I was ever to re-marry. Thank goodness I stuck to that list because I had some dating horror stories! After the date, I would come in our front door, fall on the floor and either scream or laugh!
I came to the point where I accepted the fact I was going to be single and that was ok. Life was good. I didn’t want to marry because I was lonely, or needed financial stability, or because society told me to marry.
Will I ever love again? Understand God’s precious love for you. It is unconditional, pure, and He has a 100% guarantee of never leaving. Love yourself, love your kids, and choose wisely in your relationships.
- Purpose in your heart to work on a love relationship with God.
- Memorize Psalm 69: 13(CEV), “But I pray to you, Lord, so when the time is right, answer me and help me with your wonderful love.”
- Write out the unique qualities that God has created in you and rejoice.
- Tell your kids you love them. You are a team!
- Don’t rush and choose second best. Let God lead you in your future whether single or married! His plans are the Best!
YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!